For the past week, I've had the privilege of having my amazing kids for spring break. The time I get to spend with them is not a lot, but during the year, I try to make the moments count. Working while they are here can prove to be problematic, because I work an overnight shift and sleep during the morning and early afternoon. The good thing is, my son Merlin, Jr. is almost 15 and he keeps the ship upright while I'm sleeping.
Sometimes, the world just isn't right though. While they have been here, I've worked 4 days and 3 of those days have called for 3 to 4 hours of overtime, which cuts into the sleep hours and when you are trying to spend as much time with your kids, it's very hard to budget time on no sleep or too much sleep. Earlier this week, I got home from work at 1pm and made the kids lunch. I set my alarm for 6pm so I could get up and get their dinner done, but it seems that once the alarm had gone off, I either turned the alarm off or threw the phone across the room in disgust at the lack of sleep...I'm not sure. I finally wake up in a hurry and realize that the sun is no longer stabbing me through the curtain, which means that I had overslept, a lot.
I bust out of the room to see if my apartment is destroyed or to see if my kids are huddled in a corner dying from starvation. Neither was the case and when I questioned my son about their dinner, he simply said, "It's alright, we've been eating crackers." Mind you, they ate an entire box of Saltines. I was disgusted at myself for a moment, but I excused my lack of parenting to the fact that in the previous 3 days, I've only had 6 hours of sleep. I felt that my sleep and parenting was justified or at least that is what I told myself to make myself not feel so bad.
Later in the week, I had time to take my kids to a park to play some pitch and catch; a lake to do some fishing; and we've watched Brother Bear about 40 times. I sometimes feel bad that I can't afford to take them to see and experience everything that the big city has to offer, but the kids seem content on just spending time out of school.
My son, who is so sucked into his phone, would probably forget to eat or drink unless I reminded him...or he found a box of Saltines; that just happened to be sitting beside a loaf of bread and all the things needed to make a delicious sandwich. I get frustrated because of his lack of desire to do anything but sit on his phone, but I have to remember that there is only so much I can take away from him without him hating to come see me.
My daughter Bry and my youngest son Rabbit have seemed to have bonded pretty good. She plays and talks to him and he is always trying to sit with her. Which is really neat to watch their interaction from across the room. However, she is the culprit that watches the same movies over and over again. The most difficult thing for me to decide is do I pull them away from what they really like to do in exchange for forcing them to do things that we can all do together and doesn't involve any electronics.
Rabbit, who I get on Saturdays, is not interested in TV at all. He's the kid that if you turn your back, he will find his way into a cleaning closet. He's probably the easiest of my kids to entertain, but getting them in the same room is like pulling teeth! I have yet to find one thing that all of us can enjoy at the same time. If we were to go to a park with all three kids, Rabbit and Bry would have a blast while Merlin Jr.'s nerves would be shot trying to keep them at a safe distance so they don't get hurt. His over-protective nature is nice to some degree, but I wish he would just be a kid and enjoy breaking the monotony.
Either way, I'm enjoying the time with them. However, I hope the day comes when the only thing that they really want to do when they come to visit is fish.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Downfall
The bureaucratic machine that drives most business is an absolute necessity. Whether it's a financial business looking for consistency among their book keepers or a police force looking for consistency amongst the ranks of enforcement, the bureaucratic machine has in place certain guidelines that are best suited for the machine as a whole. However, creating a bureaucratic environment is much harder when the environment in which it operates is a fluid environment that allows only fractions of a second to make life altering decisions of enforcement.
As a police officer, there are guidelines set in place; rules, regulations, general orders, operating procedures, laws, and interpretation of those guidelines. Each officer has their morals, but each place of business or department expects and demands ethical behavior. This is where interpretation becomes the hardest part of the job. Not because an officer is expected to judge the world in black in white, but because the world is so gray that either black or white is the wrong thing to do.
There are so many different ways to get from point A to point B. There is the long way, short way, short cut, back door, side window, dirt road, paved road, physical, and easy way; depending on the situation, each one of those paths are both right and wrong. The majority of decisions made by officers are based on the ethics, but can sometimes become clouded by their morals or lack of. It's important to realize that it's never as easy as black and white.
Every situation as at least two sides. Each encounter has a good guy and a bad guy and it's imperative to realize that if the perspective is reversed, the good guy becomes the bad guy and the bad guy becomes the good guy. With that said, there is usually a winner and loser, but there are some cases where there are no winners. Every officer has faced the challenge of alleviating problems and have come face to face with the fact that at this particular moment, no one wins. This particular situation is the hardest for an officer, who is human, to alleviate.
In most cases, the officer will make a decision that they feel is the ethical and moral sound decision. What happens when this particular decision is reviewed by the bureaucrats that were not there? What happens when the bureaucrats forget what its like to be faced with these decisions? The bureaucratic machine, which sees the gray world as black and white, is now placed in a position to make their own ethical decision; void of emotion and void of allegiance.
The days where a supervisor does his best to keep situations handled on the lowest level of the chain of command are over. The days where a supervisor protects their subordinates from the punishing arm of bureaucratic justice and themselves are done. Leadership has taken a back seat to Management and the perception of protection no longer lies within the blue wall of silence, but within silence alone. There is no blue wall nor a code of silence. The coined phrase of "Don't ask; don't tell" has become "Tell, so they won't ask".
I've been told, "The pendulum swings both ways...things will become they way the used to be." I do not see that happening at all. At my five year mark, I can tell rookie police officers about the way 'we' used to handle certain situations. In amazement, they can't believe it. The sad part; when these rookies get to their five year mark, they will tell rookies the same thing and be looked at with dumbfounded curiosity and disbelief.
I'm aware that things will never be as they were. I'm aware that trust among officers go only as far as the fear of repercussions. However, it's disappointing to realize that doing the moral and ethical thing is also punishable. It's even more disappointing to realize that the very thing you may get punished for is the very thing that was once considered the norm by the ones doling out your punishment. What's even more disappointing is realizing that the very thing you may be getting punished for has resulted in a punishment that is usually reserved for a much more egregious offense that was committed by the ones demanding such penance for you.
To keep things in perspective, I tell myself that no matter what happens, my integrity is what matters. The values and morals that were passed to me from my parents and the community that raised me are the goal. Despite the changes that the world makes and despite the decline in the world's moral fiber, I find solace. If I keep in mind that my integrity is not based on ethics, but my values and morals; I can go home every day of my life and smile. When the time comes for me to be the supervisor, it is my goal to be a leader. I want to be the leader that sets a high standard of excellence that is desired to be followed. I want to be a leader that earns respect and never demands it. I do not want to be the bureaucratic manager that forgets the road I traveled and caters to media or public opinion. I want to be a man of integrity and that fact alone will be my downfall.
As a police officer, there are guidelines set in place; rules, regulations, general orders, operating procedures, laws, and interpretation of those guidelines. Each officer has their morals, but each place of business or department expects and demands ethical behavior. This is where interpretation becomes the hardest part of the job. Not because an officer is expected to judge the world in black in white, but because the world is so gray that either black or white is the wrong thing to do.
There are so many different ways to get from point A to point B. There is the long way, short way, short cut, back door, side window, dirt road, paved road, physical, and easy way; depending on the situation, each one of those paths are both right and wrong. The majority of decisions made by officers are based on the ethics, but can sometimes become clouded by their morals or lack of. It's important to realize that it's never as easy as black and white.
Every situation as at least two sides. Each encounter has a good guy and a bad guy and it's imperative to realize that if the perspective is reversed, the good guy becomes the bad guy and the bad guy becomes the good guy. With that said, there is usually a winner and loser, but there are some cases where there are no winners. Every officer has faced the challenge of alleviating problems and have come face to face with the fact that at this particular moment, no one wins. This particular situation is the hardest for an officer, who is human, to alleviate.
In most cases, the officer will make a decision that they feel is the ethical and moral sound decision. What happens when this particular decision is reviewed by the bureaucrats that were not there? What happens when the bureaucrats forget what its like to be faced with these decisions? The bureaucratic machine, which sees the gray world as black and white, is now placed in a position to make their own ethical decision; void of emotion and void of allegiance.
The days where a supervisor does his best to keep situations handled on the lowest level of the chain of command are over. The days where a supervisor protects their subordinates from the punishing arm of bureaucratic justice and themselves are done. Leadership has taken a back seat to Management and the perception of protection no longer lies within the blue wall of silence, but within silence alone. There is no blue wall nor a code of silence. The coined phrase of "Don't ask; don't tell" has become "Tell, so they won't ask".
I've been told, "The pendulum swings both ways...things will become they way the used to be." I do not see that happening at all. At my five year mark, I can tell rookie police officers about the way 'we' used to handle certain situations. In amazement, they can't believe it. The sad part; when these rookies get to their five year mark, they will tell rookies the same thing and be looked at with dumbfounded curiosity and disbelief.
I'm aware that things will never be as they were. I'm aware that trust among officers go only as far as the fear of repercussions. However, it's disappointing to realize that doing the moral and ethical thing is also punishable. It's even more disappointing to realize that the very thing you may get punished for is the very thing that was once considered the norm by the ones doling out your punishment. What's even more disappointing is realizing that the very thing you may be getting punished for has resulted in a punishment that is usually reserved for a much more egregious offense that was committed by the ones demanding such penance for you.
To keep things in perspective, I tell myself that no matter what happens, my integrity is what matters. The values and morals that were passed to me from my parents and the community that raised me are the goal. Despite the changes that the world makes and despite the decline in the world's moral fiber, I find solace. If I keep in mind that my integrity is not based on ethics, but my values and morals; I can go home every day of my life and smile. When the time comes for me to be the supervisor, it is my goal to be a leader. I want to be the leader that sets a high standard of excellence that is desired to be followed. I want to be a leader that earns respect and never demands it. I do not want to be the bureaucratic manager that forgets the road I traveled and caters to media or public opinion. I want to be a man of integrity and that fact alone will be my downfall.
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